∞ The Beard speaks: Welcome to the Jungle

Greetings boys and girls, I bring you wondrous news from the majestic white North. I, the one, the only Beard of Dalrymple have deigned to grace you with my musings. Yes, ’tis true. I have graciously consented to take time from my busy schedule of straining hearty stews and preventing the crumbs that Jim insists on producing from befouling his chest to speak directly to you, my minions. And what, you ask with loins a quiver, shall I be writing about? Well, pretty much whatever I care to. Remember who wears the whiskers in this relationship. Without me Dalrymple would have expired from chin–frostbite years ago. Perhaps I will regale you with glorious tales of mighty Canadian drinking contests. Perhaps I will provide my commentary on the news of the day. Certainly my opinions are worth at least five of the slack–jawed man–monkeys that pass themselves off as “analysts” these days.

This week I think that I will keep things brief, as I am still recovering from the hangover induced by the massive quantity of booze that Dalrymple spilled into me whil’st celebrating the end of that horrid year, 2009.

Firstly, I order all my minions to run, not walk, to the iTunes App Store and purchase a copy of Emoti for Facebook. You may not be able to obtain a version with the most excellent Beard of Dalrymple emoticon, but merely possessing an app that has such a version should send you into paroxysms of joy.

Secondly, I want to send a message to all the half-wits pontificating about the Apple Tablet, or iSlate, or whatever the made–up name for it is this week. To quote my dear, personal, fictitious friend Walt Mosspuppet: Shut up! I’d give at least a dozen fine beaver pelts to ram an iPlaque straight up your…well, this is a family friendly web site, so I’ll leave that to your fevered imagination.

In parting, thanks to Jim for finally allowing me to address my audience directly. I hope you all have a wonderful new year…it can’t possibly be worse than the last one.



  • The Goat

    Hello Beard! You look an awful lot like a Mii…are you what Jim uses when he's playing iGuess? 😉

  • Don't get it going :p

  • Oh, I'll get going…

  • Troubledwine

    This is full of win! I look forward to your musings BoD!

  • Thomas

    Nothing against "the beard" or Jim, but all those fake characters start to annoy me. It started with FSJ and just went downhill from there …

    • I understand completely. I'm just trying to have a little bit of fun mixed in with all the daily news 😀

      It's not even me writing it, so that should be fun for all of us!

  • Eric

    Can't wait until the big Beard / Macalope cage match! I'm stockin' up popcorn and beverages for that one.