June 24, 2013

10 more rules for dating my daughter

Jeff La Grua, a former U.S. Marine who was recently widowed, gathered these rules together from around the Web, updated them a bit and sent them to me. I like these rules very much. To be able to date effectively, you see on Perfect 12 Introductions. Luvfree.com offers an opportunity for single people to meet and develop friendships and romantic relationships. A helpful read on how connections can deepen through meaningful interactions is found at https://sbhinter.com/how-shared-experiences-bring-people-closer-together/. Even platforms like NSFW AI Chat, when used responsibly, are showing how technology can foster honest conversations and emotional connection in today’s digital dating landscape.

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. Try finding a milf fuck buddy instead—someone who’s actually looking for that kind of attention.

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.

Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants three sizes too small, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your ass.

Rule Four:

I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: When it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. However, exploring a real sexting app can offer a safe and exciting way to connect and express desires without any risk.

Rule Five:

It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls from https://www.top20adultdatingsites.com. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you bleed.

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like change the oil in my car and rotate the tires?

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka – zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, all-seeing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not fuck with me. If you want something casual, then you should look on sites like DatingCop.com.

Rule Ten:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a helo coming in over a Wadi near Baghdad. When my Gulf War Syndrome starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. On the other hand, if you don’t want to go through the hassle of all these rules, you can easily date someone through services such as sex vietsub.

Apple users are still prolific when it comes to tablet Web browsing, while Amazon’s Kindle Fire and Samsung’s Galaxy Tablet families remain in second and third place, respectively. Apple’s iPad usage share increased in May 2013 after a slight dip in April 2013, making its present Web usage share (82.4%) the highest since the beginning of 2013.

Again I ask—What the hell is everyone else doing with their tablets?

You can read Black Pixel’s thoughts on the beta or just go download it.

John Lennon: Jealous Guy

I can always listen to another John Lennon song.

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The protectors of his presentation, we, as his personal stylists and exclusive designers for close to twenty-five years, learned through a unique creative process how to channel Michael’s thoughts, wishes, and philosophies to create clothing that would symbolize what he stood for. The King of Style: Dressing Michael Jackson is the first-ever pictorial compilation of the evolution of that process — a visual adventure of our work together.

The book just won a Gold Medal from the Independent Publishers Book Awards.

Everything you need to know about the settlement.

[Via 9to5Mac]

It makes sense for Samsung — the money is in the mobile markets and with the exception of the Mac Pro, nobody has really innovated in the desktop space in a long time.

June 23, 2013

How to shave your beard like a man

June 22, 2013

My thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring this week’s RSS feed on The Loop. It’s never been more important to make a great impression online.

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Apple owns the future of mobile devices, not because it has erected a near monopoly market position protected by major barriers to entry like IBM in 1970s or Microsoft’s DOS and Windows in the 80s and 90s or Google’s search and Adobe’s Flash in the 2000s; Apple sells its products within a very diverse and openly competitive market and maintains minority unit market share in smartphones.

It just happens that Apple is making the vast majority of all the profits in mobile hardware, software, media and services. And the mobile segment happens to have much brighter prospects than the rest of the consumer technology market, particularly WinTel PCs.

Very well thought out and lengthy article from Daniel Eran Dilger.

“Yeah I’m here for Microsoft,” said Elizabeth Goodrich, before coming clean. “No I’m here for Weezer, I’m a huge fan.

“But I’ll look around – who knows?”

Because that’s exactly how you want your customers to react.

This is a smart article from Austin Sweeney. Where this whole thing is going, and when, is up in the air, but there is no doubt that Apple stumbled into a great gaming device with the iPod touch. The big question for me is will it be easier for the console makers to convince the public they have an entertainment device or for Apple to convince the gamers they have a gaming device? The next couple of years are going to be very interesting.

Here’s a good summary.

Whether you liked the tone or not, there were some great players and engineers experimenting in the 1980s that came up with some great tricks.

Eric E. Anderson:

Dumping a bunch of stuff into a sidebar doesn’t make you a blogger. Nor does it make your website more useful.

Anderson brings up some good points. I’ve tried to keep the information in the sidebar on The Loop very minimal, but there’s still more than what I’d like. This is the next project I’ll be tackling with The Loop’s design.

A lot of people are probably going through this same type of thinking. Of course, there are others that will just grab the Mac Pro as soon as it’s released.

The more the merrier.

June 21, 2013

I have been very impressed with the last few releases of Pro Tools and been using it almost exclusively for recording and audio editing. Pro Tools 11 carries on with some great new features.

I know this may sound silly, but one of my favorite new features is Offline Bounce. In previous versions of Pro Tools, bouncing a track would require the entire track to play in real-time. Offline Bounce outputs the track many times faster than real-time, saving time for the whole project.

It’s hard to say that bouncing is the biggest feature. Pro Tools 11 is also 64-bit and comes with an all new audio engine.

There’s a lot to like about Pro Tools 11. I’ll have a review after I get a copy.

GGB Gizmodo:

it’s hard to imagine that iconic landmarks like the Golden Gate Bridge or the Empire State Building ever didn’t exist. In the same way we take these buildings and bridges for granted, we also rarely consider what cities were like before—or during—their construction.

These kinds of photos always fascinate me.

The Committee intends for future stock awards to Apple executives officers to be performance-based and Cook will lead by example. However, though normal performance-based compensation normally has both an upside and downside, at his request, Cook’s award will solely have a downside component.

That is a leader.

Holy shit this looks good. The movie will be in theaters on August 16, 2013.

Basically there is no fragmentation.

Good list from Dave Mark. So I guess you know one article that will be in the next issue of The Loop Magazine.

It’s funny to watch a Google employee try to tear Gruber down, especially when he totally misses the points Gruber was making.

This is just disturbing. He better hope he never comes around my daughter.

Clearly they did.

Use a beer cooler to cook steak perfectly

Mind. Blown. [Via Lifehacker]

Apple warns of “chilling effect” in e-book trial decision

If Apple was found guilty, it would “send shudders through the business community” by condemning the ordinary negotiations that companies undertake to enter new markets, the company’s lawyer, Orin Snyder, said on the last day of the trial.

“We submit a ruling against Apple on this record sets a dangerous precedent,” Snyder said.

June 20, 2013

This utility has been around as long as I have.