Reviews in the tech industry are hit or miss at best—we can all agree on that. Sometimes a review comes out that I just don’t get at all. Mashable’s review of the latest MacBook is one such review for me.

I should say that I don’t have one of the new MacBooks, so I haven’t used it, but I do use the last generation every single day and love it.

The most upsetting news is the new MacBook still has a single USB-C port.

That’s not the least bit upsetting—that’s the best news of all. MacBook appeals to a lot of different people, me included, that don’t need more than one port. I don’t want the laptop any bigger just to fit another port or two.

I don’t plug my iPhone into the computer, I don’t plug my iPad into the computer–I don’t plug anything into the MacBook other than the power cord.

If you need a computer with multiple ports, Apple has those. Perhaps the MacBook isn’t for you, but it’s perfect for me.

The reviewer shows a picture of trying to plug a keyboard, mouse and an iPhone into one USB-C to illustrate why he needs multiple ports. He’s either being deliberately obtuse, trying to misled his readers, or he’s never heard of Bluetooth.

Besides, most people wouldn’t need to plug an external keyboard into laptop that already has a keyboard, although I understand some do.

Though I would have liked to see a bigger boost in performance than just a 20% faster processing, 25% faster graphics and extra hour of battery life, I also would have liked it if the laptop was capable of editing 4K video. Why is it the iPad Pro can edit multiple streams of 4K footage, but the MacBook can’t? It’s embarrassing.

And I want a fucking unicorn. 20% faster processing, 25% faster graphics, and an extra hour of battery? Sold!

I’ve run Pro Tools on a MacBook Air from a couple of years ago, so I’m not sure what kind of processing power he’s looking for. This MacBook is plenty powerful.

I’ll admit, I don’t know why the iPad Pro can edit multiple streams of 4K video and the MacBook can’t.

I also don’t understand why the 12-inch MacBook is still so damn expensive. $1,300 is far too much for the base model that’s slower and less capable than both the 11-inch and 13-inch MacBook Air. The high-end (non-custom) MacBook Airs are both cheaper than the entry-level MacBook at $1,100 and $1,200, respectively.

Go buy Dell.

If the MacBook is what the future of laptops looks like, it needs to be affordable as well. And for the vast majority of potential buyers, it’s not.

No, it doesn’t. It needs to be the best, and I’m pretty damn sure there is not much out there that can outlast Apple’s equipment. I wonder if he’s seen the PC sales numbers for the past few quarters—they’re all down, except Apple.

I also don’t understand…

No, you clearly don’t. That is the most intelligent thing he said in the entire review.