Heineken unleashes The Sub

Hold onto your beard, JimD.

Manufactured by Krups, The Sub is, in Newson’s words, “a giant pressurised vessel” and “a male-oriented object made of anodized aluminium.” Consumers can purchase what they’re calling “Torps,” metal cylinders filled with brew, that they then load into The Sub like a torpedo into a firing tube. But instead of sinking an enemy U-Boat, The Sub then chills the beer down to two degrees Celsius, which is four degress colder, Heinken reckons, than your ‘fridge can get it.

  • Martin

    I want one! Deparately!

  • Gretchen

    Many years ago I worked for an Oil company and was sent on a training and development course to transition me from a graduate scheme to a junior management role.

    This took place at a plush Hotel / Recreational facility in London owned by the company, but also used by various other predominately Oil based companies.

    We were supposed to be there for a week, arriving the Sunday evening, departing the Friday afternoon.

    All the attendees met on the Sunday evening for drinks and introductions. One member of the group was not particularly happy with his choice of drinks and went to find a phone ( pre mobile). He came back after perhaps 30 mins and apologized for his absence.

    His name was Jann, he was a junior exec from Heineken BV and his pint was not to his liking. By the Tuesday evening we had fresh barrels delivered to the facility.

    He went on to explain that there is a huge difference between a fresh brew Heineken and an export brew Heineken. A fresh brew has a shelf life of less than 6 weeks and its rarely exported outwith a finite area of the european area. What is exported to the rest of the world has to have stabalizers added to stop the taste and brew going off.

    What I drank that week and what I can buy off the supermarket shelf even 20 years later are worlds apart.

    • Moeskido

      Which means that, even though I’ve been drinking since 1978, I still don’t know what Heineken actually tastes like.

  • E K

    Seriously? “a male-oriented object made”?

    • Moeskido

      Seriously? Did you bother to click through and look at that thing? That’s a gadget for guys if ever there was one.

      • E K

        So women don’t drink beer or have interest in fancy beer gadgets?

        • Moeskido

          Women drink beer. Fancy beer gadgets are generally marketed to men. Especially ones that are described like weapons.

          • Jeff

            For any one who actually enjoys beer the fanciest gadget you need is a glass, and occasionally a bottle cap opener. I wouldn’t call this abomination fancy so mach as a waste of time. Do I want to drink my beer at near freezing? no. I want to actually taste it. I want to enjoy it, not gulp it down for fear that the real taste might shine through. Do I want my beer to come from a proprietary keg like piece of marketing. No, I want to enjoy my beers poured from their unique and varied bottles, our poured out of a cask at a place that would never think twice about buying a waste of time like this. This sub is not fancy. It is a joke played on the world of beer drinkers to convince them that Heineken is worth drinking.

  • Jeff

    Why? Why? Dear god why? This is painful to look at and painful to accept. Only a company that makes beer that tastes awful would market the ability of a machine to chill said beer down to 2 degrees Celsius as an advantage. Bleh.