Dear J. J. Abrams, here’s how to make Star Wars great again

This is just magical. I think Abrams should bring this guy on board as a technical advisor in charge of proper use of the force.

  • MrPhotoEd

    That is a great short video. It is like an arty version of CGPGrey Youtube Video.

    1. Never use a capella versions of famous theme tunes.
  • lucascott

    Given the way Lost ended, many folks would disagree with rule 3.

    This is a nifty video but this guy needs to get over it a bit. This is an epic story and epics tend to change with different settings etc.

    What we need is a good story, planned well and told well. Something that Lucas screwed up with those ‘first’ three films. It’s pretty obvious that he was flying by the seat of his pants in the first films, changing things left and right and then had to back fill the history and it showed. And it showed at he didn’t care to account for what had been said in the earlier releases which is why he negated the lack of details about what the Force is from Star Wars with that BS.

    Abrams is by no means perfect but he does tend to think way way more before including something. Most of the time. And if he chooses to out something in the city and not ‘the frontier’ there will be a reason for it.

    • sj660

      ^This. Everyone claims to like Empire the best, but Jedi had a satisfying ending, something (ahem!) Lost did not. Yes, the ewoks probably were a bit over the line, but looking at the first three as a whole, it’s great.

      As long as Abrams doesn’t just do an alternative timeline reboot I’m happy.

      • Sebastian Paul

        Unless they’re making a movie of the Thrawn Trilogy (YES please!), it is very likely that they will either have to do something like an alternative timeline or have to set the story a loooong time after the original trilogy. There’s probably not a single second in the 30 years after the Battle of Endor that hasn’t been written about in one of the books.

        I don’t think Abrams is making a movie of one of the books of the expanded universe, so the new films will either take place in a world that ignores the expanded universe – or so long after the orginal trilogy, that the only thing they will have in common will be glowing weapons and maybe someone with the last name Skywalker.

      • Moeskido

        “Jedi” was a plodding disappointment from start to finish. People who praise it remind me of the mid-1970s, when fans were happy for anygoddamnthing from a major studio with a passing resemblance to sf, and deathly afraid of crtiticizing it for fear it would all be taken away if we asked for anything made for an intelligent audience.

      • lucascott

        Actually I thought Lost had a very satisfying ending. Then again I was paying attention to all the little Easter eggs which exposed what the real story was — which was NOT the island and how it moved around in time etc.

    • Moeskido

      This was an epic story… for two movies. Then Lucas’ conscience left him, and the Dithering Impresario was left to concoct extended commercials based upon merchandise and infantilized dialog.

      I’m pretty much done with Star Wars unless Abrams is somehow able to create something that transcends pop fantasy, which I doubt. I expect his work will provide a nicely-paced action roller coaster, with lots of loud noises, silly gags, stupid skip-logic, and contrived “mysteries” designed to lure fools back in the seats three years later.

  • GDHJ

    Things we do not want to see…

    1. Battle sequences being interrupted by characters running around like Goofy and shouting “WOWOWWOOWOWOW” while tripping on stuff… or trying to do “good tricks” in the middle of a dogfight in space and shouting “WOWOWOWOWOWOW”

    2. farts, people stepping in shit, people tripping down stairs. No 2nd grade gross-out humor. That can also include calling bombs “a boomba” or saying “EX-SQUEEZE-ME” instead of “excuse me.”

    3. Pointless action sequences that go on for too long, aren’t part of the story and are just there so they can have a video game based on them. This include, but are not limited to, pod races, android manufacturing assembly lines, chase sequences through a bunch of power things in a city or asteroid fields*, dogfights in space with no real goal or point and battles on the Wookie Planet.

    *the asteroid field in ESP was there to actually further the story and did. The one in AOTC was there to add an action sequence for no reason.

    1. endless villains with stupid names that don’t have any function other than another tiresome lightsaber fight. When a lightsaber fight becomes tiresome, cut it from the script.

    2. Really bad puns. This includes a robot being dragged around while saying “this is such a drag” and a robot with it’s head on a different body saying “I’m totally beside myself.” You can throw in whining from anyone, especially a robot – that doesn’t dream – saying “IT’S A NIGHTMARE!!”

    3. Boring plot twists that don’t make sense and are stupid. Like The Queen actually being her own maid or C3PO being made by Darth Vader.

    4. Ignoring the story of the original trilogy with things like the Queen dying in child birth when Princess Leih saying “she died when I was very young and she was always sad.”

    5. A story that’s hard to explain. How many people have gotten frustrated as they try to explain the story of the Prequels? I still can’t figure out what was going on in EP3 other than 3 hours of Toy commercials.

    • lucascott

      Re: number seven. leia could have been referring to her adopted mother not her birth one, having no clue they were different people.

      That’s the one thing they actually did right in explaining things. Not that it excused the fact that she was shagging a kid like 10 yrs younger that she used to hug when he cried for his Mommy. Creepy.

      No wonder they didn’t tell Leia about her real parents. Daddy was an evil war lord with a face that would scale Freddy Kruger and Mommy was a pedophile.

  • sj660

    The problem is that Episode I follow more of these rules than Return of the Jedi.

  • He confuses “not cute” with “not safe.” Nobody cares if there’s moment of cuteness; give it a legitimate feel of danger under that and we’re fine.

    • DaWooster

      The common thread I saw was Original Trilogy was indisputably awesome, and anything from Episodes 1-3 were dumb.

      But when it came to ‘cute’ they ‘conveniently’ overlooked the Ewoks. Funny how our bias takes control like that.

      • Absolutely. I think a lot of people look at the difference in feeling of 1-3 and 4-6 and think they know what makes the difference, but they’re just not looking deep enough.

        The reason 4-6 were good (especially in their original form) is that Lucas was so constrained technologically he had to make everything count, and he had people with him making sure the story got told well. The reason the re-release of 4-6 was so weaker is that he was able to add things, and the people who were making sure the story got told well no longer were near him. He was only able to botch it up so much, though.

        That’s not to say a better version of 4-6 couldn’t be created, but not by Lucas. At least, not by the Lucas of 1997 and later.

        1-3? No constraints. No story sanity.

  • Mark O’Neill

    I love this.

  • Cezary Wojcik

    The setting was never the problem in the prequel trilogy. Personally, I even prefer an urban setting. If the prequel trilogy were set on the “frontier” with a similar story line, it still would’ve been bad.

  • elOyente

    I’m confused, ewoks weren’t cute or childish, were they?

  • Swindler

    Just have Vince Gilligan (writer of Breaking Bad) write the story. Then imagine how crazy awesome the Dark Side would be.