Apple
The Beard Speaks: The iPad and crazy people
By The BeardFebruary 1, 2010, 8:44 am PT
Jesús y Maria the iPad has finally been revealed. At last Face O’ Dalrymple and I can return to the great white North. Now that the speculation is over we can get down to the serious business of making fun of the idiots feverishly blogging about how the iPad is crap.
First though, to answer the question that must be on all of your minds, no, I will not be getting an iPad. And why is that? Is it the lack of multi-tasking? The absence of a camera? The omission of Flash? No it is none of those things. It is Apple’s continued insistence on using capacitive Multi Touch. “What?” you say, “how can an intelligent and sophisticated being such as The Beard deny the glory that is Multi Touch?” Well, here’s how. Have you ever tried to operate a Multi Touch device using hair? Ha! I didn’t think so. Oh yes, capacitive Multi Touch is all fine and dandy for Face of Dalrymple; what with those greasy fingers and all, but it’s nigh impossible for me.
So, there you go; the iPad is not for me, besides to paraphrase another great Canadian, “What does a Beard need with a tablet.” Nonetheless, I think that the iPad is a wonderful device. In fact I heard that my good friend Walt Mosspuppet had a cardiac arrest upon first touching one. The iPad sits perfectly in the niche of consumers who need more power and real-estate than the iPod Touch, but don’t require a full powered laptop. But not everyone agrees. Let’s hop onboard the crazy train and take a quick tour of the land of Wrong.
First up we have the perennially lost Paul Thurrott. First off a hint to Paul, live blogging may be all the rage, but this stream of consciousness stuff is annoying. Anywhoo, I’m just going to pull one quote, because spending much more time on this loser makes me want to drown myself in Nair: “And what’s with the huge bezel? It’s actually … can I say this about an Apple product? … ugly.” Ok … first … Paul … You aren’t … BillShatner so stop trying to talk like him. Second, the bezel is where you rest your thumbs you lack-wit; your greasy, greasy thumbs.
Moving on we have Robert “Man-child” Scoble who actually posted the opinion of his sixteen year old brat. I eagerly await Scoble Jr’s review of acne medication. I hear it’s a page-turner.
Last, and certainly least, we have Old Man Winer. In between shouts of “get off my lawn you hippies” and incoherent mumbling about how Twitter stole his suggested user list Dave took some time to castigate Apple for not building another netbook, then stating that he’ll buy an iPad anyway. Stand true to those principles you crazy old bastard, stand true.
Well, there you have it. The iPad is out and we can all start making up rumors about the next iPhone. Better hurry though, Erica Sadun has a head start. Until next time my friends, adieu.
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The Beard Speaks: The iPad and crazy people
By The BeardFebruary 1, 2010, 8:44 am PT
Jesús y Maria the iPad has finally been revealed. At last Face O’ Dalrymple and I can return to the great white North. Now that the speculation is over we can get down to the serious business of making fun of the idiots feverishly blogging about how the iPad is crap.
First though, to answer the question that must be on all of your minds, no, I will not be getting an iPad. And why is that? Is it the lack of multi-tasking? The absence of a camera? The omission of Flash? No it is none of those things. It is Apple’s continued insistence on using capacitive Multi Touch. “What?” you say, “how can an intelligent and sophisticated being such as The Beard deny the glory that is Multi Touch?” Well, here’s how. Have you ever tried to operate a Multi Touch device using hair? Ha! I didn’t think so. Oh yes, capacitive Multi Touch is all fine and dandy for Face of Dalrymple; what with those greasy fingers and all, but it’s nigh impossible for me.
So, there you go; the iPad is not for me, besides to paraphrase another great Canadian, “What does a Beard need with a tablet.” Nonetheless, I think that the iPad is a wonderful device. In fact I heard that my good friend Walt Mosspuppet had a cardiac arrest upon first touching one. The iPad sits perfectly in the niche of consumers who need more power and real-estate than the iPod Touch, but don’t require a full powered laptop. But not everyone agrees. Let’s hop onboard the crazy train and take a quick tour of the land of Wrong.
First up we have the perennially lost Paul Thurrott. First off a hint to Paul, live blogging may be all the rage, but this stream of consciousness stuff is annoying. Anywhoo, I’m just going to pull one quote, because spending much more time on this loser makes me want to drown myself in Nair: “And what’s with the huge bezel? It’s actually … can I say this about an Apple product? … ugly.” Ok … first … Paul … You aren’t … BillShatner so stop trying to talk like him. Second, the bezel is where you rest your thumbs you lack-wit; your greasy, greasy thumbs.
Moving on we have Robert “Man-child” Scoble who actually posted the opinion of his sixteen year old brat. I eagerly await Scoble Jr’s review of acne medication. I hear it’s a page-turner.
Last, and certainly least, we have Old Man Winer. In between shouts of “get off my lawn you hippies” and incoherent mumbling about how Twitter stole his suggested user list Dave took some time to castigate Apple for not building another netbook, then stating that he’ll buy an iPad anyway. Stand true to those principles you crazy old bastard, stand true.
Well, there you have it. The iPad is out and we can all start making up rumors about the next iPhone. Better hurry though, Erica Sadun has a head start. Until next time my friends, adieu.
Please take a minute to Tweet, Like, or Share this post with your friends.
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Discussion 12 comments so far
12 Responses to “The Beard Speaks: The iPad and crazy people”
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I don't understand the hang up on lack of "multitasking". Multitasking makes one stupid <http://www.taskengagement.com/resource_center/articles/m...
Can’t wait for the guest column from the Hair of Breen.
I don't think Hair is allowed to write here
I constantly find myself debating the naysayers even though I don't plan on buying an iPad. My MacBook and iPhone cover my needs just fine. I hear comments like
- "it's just a big iPod touch" (Why is that a bad thing?)
- "it doesn't multitask" (Most people don't multitask now aside from playing music and using a single application, which the iPad can do)
- "it doesn't run full MacOS X" (get an Axiotron modbook if that's what you need)
- "it needs stylus input" (again, Axiotron)
So, though I don't want one for myself, I don't really see anything wrong with it. The only question remains is how many people need something between an iPod Touch and a MacBook.
People will be surprised when they actually hold it in their hands. It's a whole different story then.
I have an iMac. Don’t have an iPhone or a Touch, my mobile needs are modest. I do, however, need (okay, want) a device for when I’m parked in the comfy chair. The Touch is unnecessarily small for that, and netbooks have been singularly unpersuasive. The iPad is exactly what I need and want. Sold. I also think it would be perfect for my mother.
Couldn't agree more!! That's one of the places the iPad will be perfect for.
See now! I keep hearing that the couch is the perfect comfy place one would peruse the iPad. You mark my words, fellas…. 7 years from now, the US Surgeon General will blame the ubiquitous Apple iPad for being the primary cause of obesity, diabetes, lack of exercise…. and diagnosis of Couch Potato Syndrome. Remember that I made this prediction first.
ROTFL!!!!
Who are you kidding, The Beard will have one before the year is out.
IPAD is what I need for books reading. Can't wait to get one.
Phil,
ruins your eyes man